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:iconlets-fight-darkness: More from lets-fight-darkness


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Submitted on
January 15, 2013
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Bang!
The lights went out,
You keep running,
And you know without a doubt,
Something is coming,
It was searching you out.

The sky above,
Turned red like hell,
Something then gave you a shove,
You tripped and fell.

A screech of pain,
Ripped from your throat,
The creature came,
And it ripped off your coat.

You stumble and stood,
And turned to see it,
The creature before you had blood,
Covering his face and body.

The monster hissed, screamed, and shrieked,
You turn to run,
Thinking it would’ve worked,
But your wrist the creature hung.

With a last scream,
You sunk into the ground,
And just as it would seem,
No evidence was left,
Just only me,
With this scarred,
In my memory.
A little poem I wrote for a English quiz/test
The teacher seemed to enjoy it :)
:iconkinetic-passion:
I really like it. I have a few suggestions to improve your meter.
in the second stanza, you should consider removing the word "then", so that it reads "something gave you a shove".
in stanzas 4&5 you lost your rhyme scheme, but I can't think of a better way to put that.
in the last stanza, you have an uneven number of lines. After the first two lines, I would have made it say:
and just as it would seem,
no evidence remained,
after seeing this,
I'll never be the same.

just my ideas; take it for what it's worth
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:iconbleedingpoeticwings:
BleedingPoeticWings Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
cool. emotionative <= word?. dark. creepy. awesome. beautiful :3 youre so good bro
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